It’s been a few days since I saw the Prof and I have been doing a lot of research into the chemo as well thinking…..thinking a lot in fact.  I will be honest I have been googling every single detail of my pathology report and as we know googling is your worst enemy especially at night.  It really is a downwards slope, why do I do it?????

For days I have felt like I have been swinging on this chemo pendulum as to what I should in terms of treatment but I am also conscious that time is ticking….

Things would have been so much easier if Lenny’s mates hadn’t gone into that bloody one node!  It’s hard not think that those tiny cancer cells are not making their way around my body. The thought of it makes me feel so physically sick.

It’s the reason why I am coming to the conclusion that declining chemo is not an option.  I know chemo doesn’t typically work well on hormone receptor cancers but I can’t live my life thinking “what if I’d had chemo”……. I have to chuck everything at this, my little man needs his mummy, my big man needs his wife, my parents need their daughter and I love life, I love my life.

Decision made….. I am sticking to it this time. No more pendulums, I am getting off!

Lenny, you’ve been evicted, now your gonna be blastered and then I am fumigating the “the boob house” and changing the locks. You ain’t coming back! Never ever ever!