Give way!

As you know I like to plan, planning gives me a sense of control and with the big C, a lot of that gets taken away from you.

So today I spontaneously decide to go to see a wig specialist. Inevitably my hair will fall out, I know there are tools to help prevent hair loss such as cold capping but after researching I have decided that is a no go. I don’t do cold and the idea of giving myself “head freeze” for hours freaks me out and sends shivers down my spine! There is also a lot of TLC involved around looking after your hair and it can still fall out.

It’s the first time I have been out on my own properly since the op. Usually, I am a very independent person, often travelling alone but today I feel apprehensive, to the outside world I look healthy and normal but inside my body has so much healing to do 😦

My father in law drops me at the train station as I don’t feel confident enough to drive the 2 hour round trip. I also hate driving to the city ever since Rowan was 4 months old.  I was about to enter the car park in our 4×4 when all of a sudden I decided the car was too tall for the carpark so began to reverse……….straight into the back of another car!!!!  Thankfully the woman was very pleasant with me especially as she knew I had a little one.

Anyways nuff said about that.

I have plenty of time so decide to meet hubby for lunch before a spot of shopping. Rude not too!  I am in search of a pink top. Not just any pink, hot pink. Justification – breast cancer awareness of course 🙂  I have never felt so strongly in my life about getting girls to check their boobs, still can’t get over how many don’t!

Mission accomplished – hot pink top purchased….I am ready for action!!!

Well I thought I was……..

I was coming out the door of a shop when an old man came marching towards me and pushed me out of the way!!!, yes that’s right, he pushed me out of his way and the basta3d pushed me right in my back, right where I had my reconstruction.

I was so shocked, I froze.

I had to go back in the shop to pull myself together. I could feel my eyes filling with tears, then as reality struck, the tears turned to anger.  I looked out the shop, he was way ahead of me and there was no way I was in a condition to run.  I had strictly been told no running for 12 weeks!

How dare he push me??!!! He obviously thought he had right of way over me and decided as I was young he could just man handle me!  If I’d have been able to run I would have run after him.  I may look healthy but I have just had breast cancer surgery, how dare you  push me you arrogant ar£e!

My blood was boiling! – maybe I should carry a “Give Way” sign!

give


Thankfully I manage to calm down before the appointment.  The wig specialist is so lovely and his little dog is adorable.  Straight away he picks a wig and says “this is so like your hair”.  As he puts my own hair into athewig net, the reality of my impending bald head kicks in. OMG, I just aged 30 years………

But then he places the wig on carefully and something magic happened….. I turned back into me….amazing

“So I can look like me” I say out loud.

I don’t take any photos…. I decide I am not ready for that. I need time and the good thing is I have time

But today:

Gemsy 1 – Lenny 0

I win today Lenny, you may be taking my hair but whatever you can do, I can do better!!!!!

And if the old man is reading my blog…. “cross my path again and you will feel the power of my left hook” – Sorry Physio but needs must!

 

I can still be me!

Gin Girls

This week I had a visit from my “right hand lady” who works for me. Although we both respect our manager / employee relationship, we are very close to one another which has really helped us both facing this situation. She knew about Lenny as soon as I found him. Despite us both being homeworkers, I knew she would be able to detect something was wrong. I am usually such a bubbly upbeat person but sometimes it all gets too overwhelming and I can’t always put on an act. It’s not always easy being open but it was the best decision I made.

She is such a loyal worker, too loyal for her own good at times and she has really taken care of “steering the ship” in my absence. I know it hasn’t been easy for her with the added work pressure, so I take her out to our local Gastro pub as a big “thank you”.

We both like a gin, actually lets change that, we both LOVE a gin and we seem to have gained a reputation for being the “Gin Girls 😉

During the day we catch up on work, although I do have to go and have a nap in the afternoon. The surgery has really zapped my energy, at times it can really be frustrating.

When A leaves the next day, I am sad to see her go. Not only her company but for the past 24 hours I really felt like the finance professional I was a few weeks back….. before Lenny became the centre of attention.. It is so hard not “fully”contributing to the day job, especially when you love the job and the people.

I really miss “normal life” but I know I have to be patient and put myself first. It’s bloody hard at times!

Ps My friend Rosie drew this doodle as a reminder she still hasn’t been to our amazing local pub. Next time you are here our Rosie, I promise to take you there and we will have bubbles!!!!

brownlow

Gem Donut

I decide to get to the hospital early, enough time to hunt down the Prof’s secretary and explain the situation.

“We will get you to see the Prof” she says

I am so relieved.

I thank the Prof for seeing me at such short notice. I give him an update on my thought process around Chemo and how my decision is that I want to chuck everything at this.

He reassures me that doing the Radiotherapy first is not going to cause an issue for the Chemo and we still have a good “window” for Chemo to start

and just like that, I feel so much more settled…..

My CT planing goes really well and the breath hold is actually fine – A* Student!!!  It was my first time having a CT scan which is used to work out where everything is so they can line me up in the right place each day.

I can only describe the CT Scanner as a cross between a donut and an open tumble drier. I lie there as still as I can, must not get the giggles now.

I feel like a Gem Donut!

Another tick in the box. Another step forward. All set for blasting!donut