Mrs Frosty

After my radiotherapy graduation, I make my way over to the Chemo assessment ward with mum.  It’s great to have her here, I know it will mean a lot to her to be involved and will help her to understand what lies ahead over the next few weeks.

It’s the usual form filling, going through side effects but there are a few new things I have learnt today.  Apparently I should wash all my clothes separate to the boys in case the chemo leaks out of my clothes and could be toxic to them – OMG seriously?  I will obviously comply but that is kinda freaky??? And on a purely selfish note don’t I have enough bloody washing to do already?

I won’t freak you out with side effects, at the end of the day we are all individuals and we all react differently.  I have spent too many hours over the last weeks freaking out about the side effects that I have seen posted on the fb network… so much so I have had turned off all notifications from the group.  I need to remember that I am controlling this and I need to  remain positive.

Next comes to blood taking…and don’t we have fun!

I do warn them I don’t do “cold” hence why I have rejected the offer of the cold cap firmly on every occasion I have been asked.

OMG – this room I have been brought into is just like a freezer -I can instantly feel my veins run back inside.  I don’t bloody blame them!

I can’t help but shiver, I may have actually turned into Mrs Frosty.  “Why is it so cold in here?” I ask curiously?

Wait for the response…

“The freezer for the cold capping is kept in here” – there they go again, haunting me.  Am I the only person with a phobia for head freeze cap?

Confidence is growing – NOT and you know what happens next, yep my veins have not just gone back inside but they have left the building!

The nurse keeps trying, she is very apologetic and ends up asking for help, even the 2nd helper is struggling.  They then move down my arm to my wrist, it’s not much better, one drip at a time and I am NOT joking.

We are all hoping and praying they have enough for the tests!  I will definitely be checking up on these later! Fingers crossed those oil capsules have worked!

Next time I am bringing a snowsuit!



“Rads” Graduation

I can’t believe today is my Rads (Radiotherapy) Graduation!

It has actually gone really quickly and in a way it’s sad to say goodbye to people.  One person I will miss is my taxi driver who has taken me to the treatment, waited with me and brought me back most days. Spending almost 3 hours together a day, for 4 weeks.  We have got to know each other really well. His wife is due to have their first baby any time so every  call we have waited with anticipation – but no news yet!

But today I have 2 special people taking me. My mum and dad.  It’s also extra special as it’s Macmillan coffee morning.  It’s actually my first one, and it is one I will never forget.  It’s a bit like my Loughborough Graduation – well maybe a little!!!!

Unfortunately the last couple of days, I felt exhausted and with the sore throats coming on, I wasn’t able to bake and had to bail out and get shop bought things.  But it’s the thought that counts!

I can’t help but feel like I am skipping into the Radiotherapy room. The Rads girls are even extra jolly. I have already day told them that I plan celebrating by going “off-roading” on an experience day with hubby and my dad on Sunday!  They must think I am mental doing this the day before Chemo!

Each breath hold I do today, I count down and as the last one finishes and they take the final camera shot I can’t help but have a grin like a Cheshire Cat.  I am sure it will give them something to laugh about later!

And one of my favourite all time songs is playing…….Take That’s “Back for good”!

I can’t help but think……..Soon I will be BACK for good, just me, no boob or pontential body invaders.

Another Rosie doodle attached….





Rosie Poppins

Still got sore throat, still feeling pants, these capsules better work soon, time to get the infuser oils on!!

Postman Pat has just delivered a package, usually they are amazon packages for hubby but not today, this is just for me!  The label is written with the most beautiful handwriting in the world, only one lady writes like this and that is our Rosie!

I open the parcel like it’s Christmas morning, it’s wrapped together with fabric pink bunting ribbon!

Inside is a homemade “Gemsy pamper chemo kit” wrapped in pink tissue paper. Posh hot chocs, marshmallows and Betty’s Yorkshire Shortbread biscuits. But the creme de la creme is the chocolate gin! This girl just knows me too well!

But what gets me with a teary moment is she has put in a blank hot pink envelope.  It is to put the lock of hair in that I kept from my pixie cut…….. I pause… “it will grow back” I whisper to myself.

She is my very own “Rosie- Mary Poppins!, there may be more than a spoonful of sugar in the goodies but it will certainly help me get this chemo “medicine” to go down!

Thank you so much Rosie Poppins! – attached is her self-portait!

Rosie Poppins

Three Wise Men….

Why the hell have I woke up this morning with a sore throat and feeling like shit!???

I seriously do not have time to be ill, the chemo clock is ticking and I start in t-5 days, I’ve got my bloody test in 2 days. I don’t have time for failing tests now!

Well tonight I am going to meet the Oil lady at my friend’s house.

“Wtf is an Oil lady?” You might ask.

Well, I must admit I thought I was popping along to buy some Frankinsense and lavender so hubby could give me an aromatherapy massage and I could knock myself out for kippies

However so far I have:

  1. Sniffed a few essential oils – that’s ok.
  2. Rubbed Frankincense in my gums!
  3. Made my own Oil capsule “cocktail” and downed it!

It’s amazing the extremes you will go to in order to get yourself fit for chemo…..

Whilst I downed the capsule I did say “can this kill me”? – I am told not, but it’s too late now anyway, I hope my life insurance covers this!

I do feel a tad irresponsible, whilst my son is watching paw patrol with his close friend and eating pizza in the next room, I have gone from mummy to druggie in 15 minutes!

Best keep this quiet for now 😉

I return home with a bag of goodies to get me all set for friday’s test! It best do the bloody trick now!

Doodle by Rosie – it did make me laugh after a long day!


Virtual Boob Buddies

A few weeks ago I saw a post on the younger breast cancer support network from a lady fairly local to me – I was so excited and so decided to contact J.

It turns out we had loads in common in terms of our diagnosis and treatment plan except I have done the radiotherapy and chemo the other way around.

We have kept in contact most days, just looking out for one another and she has become my virtual hello and hug.  We are so on the same wavelength and both share such a positive attitude!

Today we are meeting each other for a coffee after my radiotherapy session.


J and I  have decided exchange notes and tips, J is well over half way through her chemo and I have so many questions to ask – where is that bloody pink book when I need it?  I also try and reassure her that radiotherapy is a breeze and share my funny stories of breath hold which she will also do.

We literally do not stop chatting for the whole time, there are no awkward silences and before we know it it’s time to say good bye.

We give each other a big hug, a real one this time, not the virtual crap and plan to meet again very soon 🙂

We are family!

1.Pink top – check

2. Pink bubbles – check

3. Wigs – check


Vital check list for a girly night with my family!  We decided to have another get together before chemo starts. We had so much fun last time and giggles and girls are what I need right now to take my mind off things.

On the way, I call at my Auntie’s house for a cuppa. She’s the breast cancer survivor.  I haven’t been to their house since I was a teenager, usually I see her at family gatherings.

Her house brings back so many memories. We used to go and play there a lot as kids.  My Uncle used to scare the living daylights out of us by hiding “fake” poo near us and then make us think he’d done it!!!  We were all traumatised for years!!

It’s just what I needed to see my Auntie, I think about her so much and her own journey the past 15 years. We talk about her chemo story…. I always remember the others girls telling me how my Auntie was a bit off colour a few days then made up for it as the star of the party and after a couple of drinks was known to be throwing her wig around!

She’s an inspiration, 15 years ago it must have felt even more of a lonely place. Google was fairly new, there was no social media. You were just told stuff and you didn’t know any better.  Info was so limited. Such a contrast to today’s knowledge age.

I am not sure what is best somethings?

I don’t want to leave my Auntie, but I have a party to get ready for and she gives me a great big hug, just like when I was a little girl 🙂

Party Time!

It’s only take a couple of glasses before we are talking boobs and wigs!  We decide to have a wig dress rehearsal and my cousin volunteers to be the model!  It’s just like old times playing hairdressers really!!!

K and me are the same age, we had the same pushchairs as babies and were bought the same toys are little girls. Our favourite toy was our “Bluebell a la carte kitchen.” The sell out the 80s.  Although we were disgusted that it didn’t come with the Swiss roll and beans as per the tv advert (see YouTube)

We felt cheated, so CHEATED!!!

It takes a while to get the wig into position on my cousins head. It’s like doing someone else’s makeup. It’s so much easier to do it on yourself!

Then my Uncle returns from the pub.

“Do you want me to give you a Grade 1 head shave, Gem?”

He’s carrying a pair of garden shears!!!!

I am laughing so hard that I start crying, they are good tears. We are all in stitches, my belly hurts!

Oh I love my family! – what a fun night – Perfect, just perfect!!!

Thank you for making it so special and my good luck coin will be coming with me to Chemo!



This afternoon I have a visitor over for a cuppa. Until a few weeks ago I had no idea that she had gone through the big C herself. She is the mum of one of my little man’s close friends.

She shares her story, the big C twice, different place to me but years later she is here to tell the story.  These survivor stories give me more strength than I could ever have believed.

She gives me some great advice and offers her support any time night or day. It means so much, she lives local and actually I know I could call her.  My biggest worry coming up is how I will respond to chemo in terms of side effects.

Some people end up hospitalised and my concern is always the little man and making sure he is looked after.  I can cope with the side effects, I am fit and healthy but you never know how you will respond.

Knowing I could call her and get her to look after little man at short notice means so much.

cuppaI feel so much more positive after her visit 🙂