As I drive back with little man after dropping Rosie at the station, I can feel my mood start to change.

I have just had an amazing 24 hours and all of a sudden I start to feel lonely.

I don’t think the tiredness kicking in is helping and I know that it will be hours before hubby is home.  He’s stuck in traffic after picking up his daughter. It will be after 9 when he gets back.

I know it sounds bad but I just can’t bear to put little man to bed. I need Mummy cuddles more than anything right now. I noticed a blue vein appear today between my breasts and I can’t help but think it is something bad.  I really hope it isn’t the sign of something worse. Lenny had a vein, greedy sod!

Little man seems to be enjoying watching Netflix for hours, he should be in bed i know but I don’t want to be alone.

The thoughts are getting darker and I am counting down the minutes for him to get back.

I am trying so hard to hold it together.  I know I will be ok once he is back and puts me in my place.

Hubby is back!!!

I ask if we can get the kids to bed asap and tell him discreetly I NEED them in bed!

When he has sorted them out I explain my concerns.

“It’s probably just the reaction to the radiotherapy, “Let’s talk to the prof about it Monday”

He is right, I need to talk to the prof not google!