Oops, I lost my wig!

It’s 48 hours since I “braved the shave” and wait for this, drum roll please………. I’ve raised over £2,000 and people are still donating!  Never in a million years would I have thought I’d have raised this much money!

I originally set my target at £500 until Rosie text me after 15 mins of setting up the JustGiving page saying “you better raise that target Gem, cos you are gonna smash it!!”

In fact the target had to go up twice and when it got to £1,250 Rosie was on my back again to raise it.

Well Rosie, you were right! I did smash it and I could not have done it without the help of my family, friends and colleagues.

People have been so generous, I’ve had donations from people I don’t even know and, for anyone reading this blog who has donated, I am sending you the biggest virtual hug.  Thank you from a very proud Yorkshire girl.

It has made this process so much easier to digest and it has made days like today more bearable.  Let me explain …..

After my run, I jumped in the shower. It took me a while as I was so excited about my achievement and had been texting my news, I also messaged hubby so he knew I was still in one piece!

I was washing my grade 3 hair.  Bloody hell that sounds like a cancer diagnosis, why does Lenny get into every conversation? … pi$$ off you lump, I know you have been on your hols to America for your onco dx test but you can go get back in your jar now!!!

Ok back to washing my hair.  I noticed my hands were covered in little hairs.  Shit, bollo$ks, the shedding has taken on a whole new level!

As I got dry I noticed my top half was covered in hair.  Don’t get me wrong, I still had a lot of hair on my head but I was beginning to look like a brown and pink patchwork quilt.

Right it’s time to get it even shorter! We had originally gone for grade 3 as I am really sensitive to shaving.  In fact when I shave my legs I can end up covered black and blue from “scratching” in my sleep and as chemo can make your skin even more sensitive, I didn’t want to try adding bruised head to my list!

However  I can’t go on like this.  Although only “little” hairs are getting everywhere, I don’t want a constant reminder.  Emergency call to the hair dressers, thankfully they can slot me on…… thank fu$k for that!!

Hmmmm, so this afternoon I have an appointment for my toes to be painted.  Do I go with my really shaved head that is now patchy, or wig????

Let’s take the wig on its first outing, question now is which wig? I have 3!!!

I grab something quick for lunch and catch up on a snippet of loose women. Michaela Strachan was on yesterday. Another breast cancer survivor and she’s talking about it being “wear it pink” day.

Bloody hell, how did I only just know this? I must have known telepathically as today I had put on my pink hoodie and beanie hat…. I wonder if the hairdresser’s have remembered.  Well, I’ll take emergency pink supplies with me!

I get to the hairdressers and I’m met by my lovely hairdresser.

“It’s wear it pink day, guess what I got for you……pink glitter cowboy hats” I say.

My hairdresser’s face lights up.

“I’m taking off my wig for this” she says

You see my hairdresser makes her own wigs.  She has hair, but she loves wigs. I can’t tell you how amazing they are.  This girl is so talented, she’s one of a kind and she’s made me my own human hair one!

This time there are no tears.  We decide to take it down to grade 1 and see how I get on.  I’ll still have a  tiny bit of hair to help the itching!

Next we try on my “work in progress” wig.  Although I’ve tried it on before, we’ve waited until my hair was gone so we could get the look right.

As it’s human hair it means I can make it curly, straighten it, pretty much treat it just like my own “old” hair. It does also mean when it gets wet in the rain it goes like my frizz monkey hair 😉

I feel like a model.  The other hairdressers take photos.  They all make me feel so special and loved 🙂

Due to the weather conditions (omg I sound a weather forecaster!!!) I decide to put on my synthetic bob wig. I don’t want to risk the rain giving me a “bad wig day”, given it’s my first wig outing, I need to feel confident as I know it’s a big thing!

I pop into “the asda” as us donny folks call it…… my hubby always asks me “why do you lot put a “the” in front of it?” …….I don’t bloody know, we just do!!!

I do feel self conscious, can people tell it’s a wig? what if it has moved?

Oh well, it looks better than half the people’s hair in here and mine is only a temporary measure!

After “the” Asda, I walk over to the “nail shop” as my son calls it.  I’ve booked in with one of the ladies I’ve known a long time.  I wouldn’t normally care who I see but I don’t want to deal with “small talk” today and “Where you going on your holidays?”

It’s warm in here so I decide to take my jumper off.

What I was not expecting was my wig to follow suit! It’s in my sodding hoodie!!!

“Oh bollo$ks” I shout…. thank goodness the nail lady knows me well and there is a mirror to hand!

I start laughing.  It’s the only way of coping with this situation!

I come out of the shop with fabulous pink toe nails.  Well, I’ve got to keep up the pinkness for a couple more weeks!

I really miss having my fingernails done, but it is a small price to pay for chemo and at least they are all in tact for now!

I’ve decided to take off the wig to pick up little man and wear my pink woolly beanie. I don’t want to upset him as he wasn’t expecting the wig today.

Instead I have a chat with him on the way home and explain that mummy has got her hair cut a bit shorter so I can wear my wig tomorrow. He’s fine with that…phew! It’s amazing how if you tell him what’s happening next, he is just fine with it.

When we get home I show him my new shorter hair and he asks to feel it.

“It’s a bit prickly now……Can I watch Netflix, mummy?”

wigdropWe should all take a leaf out of his “carefree” book!

 

Ready…Steady…Run!

It’s Friday morning and I’m feeling a little nervous.  Today I’ve decided I am going to do my first run after being signed off by the physio!  It’s over 3 months since I last got out the running shoes!!!

I’ve already downloaded the Couch to 5k app, there is no way I am going to risk getting myself injured and having a set back. I know I need to take baby steps but I’ve been here before.  I know it won’t be long before I’m back at  my local Parkrun.

But first I need to try on my kit. I really hope it still fits.  I know my shape has changed since I stopped running and my legs are not quite as toned.

Whilst I’ve been having treatment we’ve had all new bedroom furniture and, as a consequence, I’ve had to rearrange all my clothes.

Some of my clothes have ended up in the spare room but I was determined that my running kit drawer would get a “premium” slot in my bedroom wardrobe. I knew it wouldn’t be long till it was in regular use again!

As a result of my lumpectomy, my boobs have changed shape and reduced slightly so I have had to get new bras. A couple of months back I treat myself to some new sports bras. My first ever Nike sports bras and no prizes for guessing what colour they are!

I get the rest of my kit out. I may only be running on the treadmill today but I am going to be all matching!

As I pull up my running bottoms I can’t help but smile when I realise they are going on easier than I ever imagined! They fit.  They bloody fit!! I am in shock, total shock!

I am so excited that take a selfie and send it to hubby!

Right best get a move on.  It’s time to take little man to school. Sod it I am going in my running gear. I grab my pink hoodie and pink beanie! Who cares what I look like!

After I get back, I head into my “she shed.”  It’s main purpose is my office but it does also contain our treadmill.  Although I prefer outdoor running I know the treadmill is the safer option to begin with in case I don’t feel well.

Now for music….. it can only be one thing….Steps! 5, 6,7,8……

Ready, steady…….run!!!!

run

30 mins later I am done and I am still in 1 piece! It was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  I could have pushed my body further but I really don’t want to over do it.

I feel amazing.  This is a HUGE achievement today, a massive tick in the box.

Oh running how I have missed thee!!

Another victory to me Lenny!

 

A little piece missing

So I have a confession.  I have made a promise all through this journey to talk about the ups and the downs of this rollercoaster.

Ok here goes….After Rosie left last night, I had a few sad moments. We’d had such a fun afternoon and, after she’d gone, I felt like a little piece of me was missing 😦

missing

 

I had a few “darker” thoughts… what if I’m not around in a 5 years time? I bloody hate this 5 year prognosis that you all seem to be measured against at times.  Don’t get me wrong, my prognosis is really good but it doesn’t half mess with your head at times!

I’m not very good at hiding emotions and my subduedness (if that is such a word) is quickly picked up by hubby.

We have a little chat and we put things into perspective….

I have to remember all the good “facts” about my cancer versus a lot of the bad cancers people are diagnosed with.

It’s at times like this I think back to all those people, innocent people, who have lost their lives. The Manchester Arena attack, those poor kids, there are some days it still feels so raw. It was only back in January that I was there watching Strictly!  Then there are all those people who lose their life’s driving there cars on journeys, none of us really know what is around the corner.

They say traumatic events in your life put things into perspective. Change you priorities, I am finding that to be so true.

I’ve never been a “stressy” person in fact feedback at work I have been told that I bring a “calming influence” to situations but I did used to “over think” and “over analyse” situations. More so at home than at work which is ironic given my job is to analyse numbers!

But these days, the over thinking has really reduced. Hubby is definitely a positive influence, he often says “what is the point of worrying about something you can’t control?”  To a large extent this is so true.

I have started reading a book that a close colleague bought me. It’s called “how to heal your life.”  One thing it has taught me so far is about how thoughts turn into feelings and then can turn into reality.

So if you think something negative, you “feel” that something, and you feel it so much it ends up happening.

Ok sounds a bit extreme but over the last 4 months since diagnosis I have caught myself thinking the worst.  There haven’t been many of those moments, but when I have thought them, I have definitely “felt” them.

Now I am just more aware of bad “thoughts” and I try my best not to move them to a “feelings”.

It sounds crazy but I am just really enjoying each day at the moment, I know next week it’s back to chemo and inevitably I am gonna feel shit but Lenny is not spoiling my good days.

As Robbie Williams recently sang

“I love my life” ………I bloody do!

and  “I feel powerful” …… (I am kicking your ass Lenny)

“I am beautiful” (with a bit, ok maybe a LOT, of makeup on!)

and “I am free” ……yes now you have slung your hook Lenny!!!

Confession over.  Happy Gem is back!