Omg it’s bloody freezing outside! It’s Sunday afternoon and I am feeling very thankful for a warm and cosy house!  We had the chimney sweep man aka Dick van Dyke come over in the week and hubby has just lit our first fire of the season. Nothing beats a real fire 😊

Winter is definitely here, although my 4 year old keeps correcting me and saying “winter is on its way, it’s not winter yet Mummy”! Ffs he is his father’s son, “technically” he is correct, bloody perfectionist, always correcting me!

So thankful tomorrow I am seeing the Prof, I have been trying hard not to “think” too much and have been a good girl and stayed away from my enemy google!

We’ve had a lovely family weekend, we had breakfast out yesterday and little man managed to not “create” which always makes things so much more enjoyable when you don’t have to deal with a 4 year old having a strop in public!  He even behaved having his hair cut and we seem to have got over the phobia of visiting the hairdressers – hats off to my amazing hairdresser, Fatu!

I even managed to gather some energy to play a game of monopoly with little man. I think I shocked him when he asked if I could play a game with him and I said “go on then”.  I have however discovered though he is a cheat and makes up what the dice says so he can land on “Community chest” or “Chance”! He also reckons you can just add a hotel and not have to buy it. I think not little man and if you want to play again then there will be no cheating!!!! Mummy does not like a cheat!!

I did have to make a call to the Chemo line, not bowel movements this time but a fricking rash on my cannula hand!

It started as something that resembled a burn but seems to be travelling up my vein. After “consultation “with my hubby that I wasn’t imagining it, we decided the best option was to call the chemo line.

“Oh I think I have spoken to you before, aren’t you the one with all the December birthdays”

Ffs I can’t call anywhere these days without getting recognised 😉

I explain the situation and she says she’ll get the sister to call me back.

I was actually in the middle of cooking dinner and have already got my tactics sorted to avoid going down the hospital!  I could do without a Saturday evening visit there, it’s an hour to get there and Strictly starts in an hour!

I do put a “plan b” in place though and my friend has already said it’s ok for little man to go for a sleepover if we need to go to the hospital , it’s at times like these you realise who those special people are in your life!

Thankfully when the nurse calls back she agrees to accept a photo rather than us make the 60 mile round trip and after reviewing the rash decides I can just keep an eye on it.  How technology has hanged the world eh? And saved my sat night tv watching!!

I’ve decided I will “plan” for my Prof visit in the morning.  I’ve got a stew waiting for me and cuddles to have after that with the boys.`

It’s Black Friday which could be very dangerous especially with these recent spending habits! I’ve had a good week side effect wise and apart from fatigue which is expected I have felt “normal”. No throat infections this time but I still have these 2 neck lumps, yes they are still bloody there and unfortunately still “messing” with my head although failing to produce a big wobble on the wobble-o-meter but enough to be messing with my sleep!

Thankfully the voice of reason Nanny Noble is here and we agreed I would call the chemo ward to let them now my anxieties and see if I could get in with the Prof at his next clinic.

Once I made the call I felt a lot better, like I could “park” itup and enjoy our girlie day, all booked in for Monday.   I tell you nothing is gonna stop us having some Black Friday retail therapy!

I really don’t need any encouragement these days! By 7am I had already spent a small fortune online at John Lewis. I was only supposed to be buying a soup-maker with vouchers, I really don’t know how 2 dresses and 2 pairs of shoes “magically” ended up in my basket!!

I’d decided to have a sneaky “peek” at dresses, it is actually well over a year since I purchased my last dress. We are also going for the last (chemo) supper on sat night and of course I need a new dress, obviously!!!

I have even allocated funds from the birthday / Christmas money pot do it’s all been budgeted for, see the accountant in me is still there!!!

I was so distracted and slightly ocd about needing to place the order before they ran out that I failed to notice that my 4 year old had snuck 2 “snacks” into the bed. ffs I hope they were “crumbless” snacks and not biscuits otherwise hubby is not gonna be happy when he gets in bed later!!!

In my defence, I seem to use that so much lately,  I’m not even in court and there is no lawyer in sight to protect me, actually I take that back my 4 year old is the world’s best negotiator, mostly down to the fact that he asks for what he wants and doesn’t give a shit about hurting anyone feelings or offending them with his requests !

……Where was I? Oh yes in my defence I ordered 2 sizes of each, need to edger my bets that one of them fit so half the order will be going back!

This is all before Mum and I have even got out the door, infact Mum is still in the Land of zzzzzzz !!!

Mum and I visit our favourite shop, a little boutique type shop which is so reasonably priced in the next village. We come out with quite a few bags, best thing of all they are hot pink bags, you know me and my pinkness.  On the down side, they are not the easiest thing to hide from the hubby 😉

I don’t know why I say that, in reality he doesn’t mind what I spend, I think it’s the Yorkshire “tight with money” in me I am certainly not right with money I just like value for money!

Mum and I then head to the garden centre for a spot of  “ladies that lunch” and grab a few festive pressies before she heads back for the train.  We’ve had a lovely 24 hours and as drop her to the station I can see she has tears in her eyes. I’m fighting hard to keep them back, instead I phone Rosie as she needs radiator advice, multi-talented I am, accountant by day, plumber by night!! Hopefully the call will distract me (for now)

That evening hubby brings home fish and chips, I’ve been dreaming of them all week and he’s even brought me a can of shandy. It is the law in this house with fish and chips to have a can of bitter shandy!!

Mine also come with mushy peas, unfortunately my hubby does not share the same tastes ( bloody southerners) and the little man is following suit . “Yuk mushy leaves” he says!!!!

Omg that felt good, I am stuffed and I’m fading, fading fast, hubby prompts me to go to bed, by 8pm I’m in the world of zzzzz, Black Friday has worn me out!

Time to forget about the neck lump and focus on getting some energy for a family fun weekend!

Well Little Miss Sleepy hung around into Sunday but was joined by Little Miss Snappy, the snappiest crocodile in town!  They say sleep deprivation does crazy things to you and I sure have been snappy especially with the boys!

Little man really wound me up at the weekend and it wasn’t his fault ☹ The excitement of having Auntie J stay made him turn into a one hyper 4 year old which normally I would “take control” over but I was so exhausted that I had so little energy and zero patience.

I can’t help but feel guilty, guilty for shouting and guilty for not being able to be the mum I usually am.  I know the “logical” Gem would tell me to not be so stupid and as Rosie reminded me the other day “Gem, most people are in bed in the first week of Chemo”

I know she is right, it’s just some days are so emotionally hard especially the weekend when you want to do “fun stuff”.

I really hope little man doesn’t remember me being like this and all the times he asked “Mummy, will you play with me” to which I have had to reply “Mummy is too tired right now” ☹

I have to remember that this is short term, I’ve only got 1 more round of chemo, 1 more round of this shitty poison in my body then I am done!

I’ve also snapped at my “Rock”.  I did apologise straight away and I know deep down he knows it is the fatigue talking and not me.

I was determined though not to over-do it and if I felt sleepy that I would “Nanna Nap”.  I only had 3 things to do on my priority list on Sunday.

1. Sleep
2. Iron Little Man’s school uniform (yes still determined he will not go to school scruffy as the Governor’s son)
3. Go to the Pharmacy

Yep, another  bloody trip to the pharmacy for constipation remedies!  Honestly these days I think I have the body of an 80 year old – Just call me Nanny Davie!  The side effects are worse this time as far as that is concerned and I had to call the Chemo line for advice.  OMG it is soooooo bloody embarrassing having to talk about your bloody bowel movements!

I thought I was done with talking about sleep and poo when little man got potty trained but this takes it to a new level!

Cancer, you are the gift that keeps on giving!

I really can’t complain though, things could be so much worse!

I know I owe my “Rock” big time for putting up with me over the last few months and once Chemo is over he has the joy of dealing with me being “slam dunked” into a menopausal woman!  Poor guy, he didn’t sign up for that when he married his “younger” lady!.  But as our marriage vows say “For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health”

This cancer journey certainly is a traumatic event and it does put a lot of strain on relationships.  Over the years we have had ours “tested” which thankfully has made us so much stronger dealing with this.  The one thing I have learnt is the importance of communication, communication, communication!

This rollercoaster is so bloody hard, for both of you.  I know it is hard for hubby especially balancing me, work and all the other stuff that we deal with in our life.

Thankfully I know that my Rock recognises Little Miss Snappy is only here for the short term and the Yorkshire brunette he fell in love with will be back soon.