and relax…..

I can’t tell you how much it meant to hear those words from the Prof, I really had not had a wobble like that since I was first diagnosed.  In fact in some ways this wobble was bigger!

It’s a couple of days since we returned from our mini break – you will be glad to hear it was bloody brilliant – just what the Prof ordered!

We were well and truly spoilt and I actually felt rso confident in my dress and killer heels for the evening meal.

There is a little story behind the dress.  I bought it about a year ago when I was part the way through my weight loss journey.  At the time it didn’t fit me, it was a gamble especially as it wasn’t cheap but the truth is I was determined to get in it.  I even bought the heels to match, well shoes are everything to an outfit!

So to be able to wear it months later, especially after this shitty boob journey is a massive “non scale” victory as we say in the weight loss world!  I was so worried the weight would creep back on after not being able to exercise for 3 months but I have really tried hard to keep on track the majority of the time.


We often talk in our meetings about life getting in the way , it’s through these times  when you really have to “dig” hard and remember why you are doing it.  I remember thinking a few times “what is the point in losing weight?, I have got bloody cancer now, it didn’t stop me getting it?” but then I have to remind myself that I am the healthiest I have been in my life going into this and it will help me even more so coming out of this.  I know if I was 3 stone heavier right now, being the size 16 I was, I would be feeling pretty crap about myself and I guarantee you that my knees would be aching and I would be a miserable cow!

I did “indulge” whilst we were away especially on the homemade bread but it was sooooo worth it!  I have noticed though that my attitude to the booze has changed.  I decided to have some mocktails in the day whilst hubby was trying out the local gin, yes you did read that correct, I refused the gin although I did have a sneaky sip!

I decided I only wanted a couple of “proper” drinks so I used them to have with my meal. We even got the somellier to give me half portion on the paring wine and I didn’t even need to play the “C” card – get in!!!

It was a bloody great 24 hours away !

The Prof was definitely right about my throat, it has got worse and I feel pretty ropey at the moment.  You know I have never wanted to be ill before but this time it makes me feel so settled that the lymph node is just “reacting” and it actually hurts like a swollen gland!

By 7pm in the evenings though, I am absolutely shattered and I even fell asleep watching Holby City which is unheard of.  I called my Oil lady yesterday for recommendations on getting myself fit for Chemo 3 on Monday.  There is no way I am failing that blood test!

Oh and I picked up my human hair wig yesterday from my hairdresser.  It’s all chopped, coloured and looks so similar to how my hair was before that basta$d Lenny turned up!

She is one talented lady, I still can’t believe she made it!  I may have also been talked into her making me a pixie cut!  I will have one for each day of the week at this rate 😉

Oh well, I’ll blame Lenny!  Not sure how long I can keep using him as an excuse though?  Anyone know when the C card expires??

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