Never smile at a Crocodile!

Well Little Miss Sleepy hung around into Sunday but was joined by Little Miss Snappy, the snappiest crocodile in town!  They say sleep deprivation does crazy things to you and I sure have been snappy especially with the boys!

crocodile

Little man really wound me up at the weekend and it wasn’t his fault ☹ The excitement of having Auntie J stay made him turn into a one hyper 4 year old which normally I would “take control” over but I was so exhausted that I had so little energy and zero patience.

I can’t help but feel guilty, guilty for shouting and guilty for not being able to be the mum I usually am.  I know the “logical” Gem would tell me to not be so stupid and as Rosie reminded me the other day “Gem, most people are in bed in the first week of Chemo”

I know she is right, it’s just some days are so emotionally hard especially the weekend when you want to do “fun stuff”.

I really hope little man doesn’t remember me being like this and all the times he asked “Mummy, will you play with me” to which I have had to reply “Mummy is too tired right now” ☹

I have to remember that this is short term, I’ve only got 1 more round of chemo, 1 more round of this shitty poison in my body then I am done!

I’ve also snapped at my “Rock”.  I did apologise straight away and I know deep down he knows it is the fatigue talking and not me.

I was determined though not to over-do it and if I felt sleepy that I would “Nanna Nap”.  I only had 3 things to do on my priority list on Sunday.

  1. Sleep
  2. Iron Little Man’s school uniform (yes still determined he will not go to school scruffy as the Governor’s son)
  3. Go to the Pharmacy

Yep, another  bloody trip to the pharmacy for constipation remedies!  Honestly these days I think I have the body of an 80 year old – Just call me Nanny Davie!  The side effects are worse this time as far as that is concerned and I had to call the Chemo line for advice.  OMG it is soooooo bloody embarrassing having to talk about your bloody bowel movements!

I thought I was done with talking about sleep and poo when little man got potty trained but this takes it to a new level!

Cancer, you are the gift that keeps on giving!

I really can’t complain though, things could be so much worse!

I know I owe my “Rock” big time for putting up with me over the last few months and once Chemo is over he has the joy of dealing with me being “slam dunked” into a menopausal woman!  Poor guy, he didn’t sign up for that when he married his “younger” lady!.  But as our marriage vows say “For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health”

This cancer journey certainly is a traumatic event and it does put a lot of strain on relationships.  Over the years we have had ours “tested” which thankfully has made us so much stronger dealing with this.  The one thing I have learnt is the importance of communication, communication, communication!

This rollercoaster is so bloody hard, for both of you.  I know it is hard for hubby especially balancing me, work and all the other stuff that we deal with in our life.

Thankfully I know that my Rock recognises Little Miss Snappy is only here for the short term and the Yorkshire brunette he fell in love with will be back soon.

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