Ok, Confession time, cards on the table…….

1. I’m shattered
2. I’m grumpy
3. I’ve over done it!

Why do I seem to forget I am not Superwoman???

It took me until Friday to realise how much the week had taken out of me…… Yep  5 days into the week, that will be the chemo brain “delayed” reaction!

This week was always gonna be a busy one. It was the week I was seeing my Superhero the “Prof” for my first review since the end of my treatment and also to have a boob check with the man in charge of the sewing aka the Surgeon.

What I didn’t plan for was that our budgeting deadlines would get pushed into this week which meant I was having to deal with the most stressful week of the year at work and fit in all the appointments whilst trying to still deal with a “phased” return to work and deal with a stroppy 5 year old……. hmmmm interesting combo!!!

The good news is the hospital appointments went really well! In fact it was so lovely to see the team led by “Super Prof” who have looked after me like royalty over the last 6 months.

As I’ve said before, it’s a scary world when active treatment finishes and you often feel like you are on your own trying to steer your boat back to the shore (aka normal life).

Seeing Prof and having the reassurance that all my bloods are good, my body is recovering well really does help settle those nerves and tick another milestone box.

As usual I had a page full of questions for him as I have been resisting the temptation of devil called Goo$le!

You would have been proud, I went to all my appointments  wig free!.  The Prof was very impressed with my hair growth,…..

“That will be the Rosemary Oil, Prof” I told him very proudly!

Oh I still love my Oils! and my “no nasties” Tropic skincare. ****Commercial Plug***** but hey, there are only so many times people can keep saying “OMG, Your skin looks amazing” and you not realise it’s the lovely stuff you have been putting on your skin to combat Chemo wrinkles for the last 3 months!

Ok, Commerical over and back to the Prof……..I was honest with him about the fact that my hot flushes and night sweats have got worse but I told him it was “dooable” and I didn’t want to “mess” with the tamoxifen by taking more drugs to deal with the menopausal side effects.

I know the jury is out on the use of Anti-depressants for the severe menopausal side effects and their effectiveness on the Tamoxifen…… but for me, I do not want to give the Tamoxifen any excuse not to work!

I tell you since I had chemo, I’ve become slightly obsessed with what gets put in my body especially drugs and their bloody side effects.

Tamoxifen has also given me a rash under my skin, it’s like invisible goosebumps. It doesn’t bother me and on the scale of side effects it could be so much worse.  I just feel like I’ve forgotten to scrub off my exfoliator!

I know it still is early days and Prof did say the side effects should reduce once my body gets used to being “slam dunked” into Menopause.

Instead I am gonna try acupuncture, I’ll give anything a go these days! If sticking some needles in my face gets rid of these night sweats then it’s bloody worth it!!

I also got a glowing report from the surgeon. I did have a “post surgery photo shoot” and laughed that the last time he took a photo I was covered in “Sharpie” pen.  He did show me a photo of the “pre” surgery boobs……Omg I had forgotten how “droopy” they were, every cloud has a silver lining though and I got a better pair even if the Lenny invaded one does feel like it has been beaten up at the minute, especially after being poked and prodded!

Unfortunately, the fatigue started to hit on Thursday.   I’d also had a late night going to see Strictly. It was a fab girlie evening but OMG my body is not used to late nights! I’m normally having me mug of cocoa at 8pm!

The fatigue then turned into me being a moody cow with a very short fuse and then the tears just came flooding out.

“I can’t do my job anymore” I cried out to hubby. It had just got all too much and exhaustion had kicked in.

There and then I had a full on meltdown!!!! but boy did I need it!!!! Sometimes you just need a good cry and a “vent”!!!

Thankfully after some sleep I felt a lot better, funny how things seem so much better in a morning!??

The good thing is I do recognise I have done too much. It has been a wake up call and I have to remember I am not superwoman!

I am a Cancer Survivor, surely that deserves it’s own Superhero status?!  I can’t remember reading about Superwoman dealing with losing her locks, nightsweats and returning to work!!

In all seriousness, we all know Superwoman does not exist and as for the other women that we think are Superwomen, honestly they are most likely struggling themselves.

This is the real world so instead of trying to be Superwoman and get on 4 loads of washing before 7am on a Sunday.  I am gonna go and give those boys of mine a cuddle.

It’s that stuff that matters, the bloody washing pile can wait!!!!

A messy home is a happy home right??

But let’s get one thing straight……Super Prof…. now he is most definitely real!